Travelling is literally the worst. You spend hours traipsing through foreign countries looking at a load of old stuff, talking to strangers and eating weird, and occasionally unidentifiable, food. Who needs that? Why would anyone stuff all their worldly possessions into a backpack and spend months on end living in lumpy bunkbeds? Wouldn’t you much rather sit in a comfortable office chair at your stable 9-5 job knowing exactly where you’re going to sleep that night? Surely nothing compares to the sweet satisfaction of having a well thought out weekly meal plan and a wardrobe full of clean and ironed clothes. So why on earth are so many people uprooting themselves and tossing themselves head first into what could potentially be months of confusion and discomfort? Travelling is quickly becoming one of the most popular hobbies in the first world, meaning every day the pressure to become more cultured and less narrow-minded is increasing. As more and more people get up to shenanigans abroad, the quality of story telling at BBQs raises exponentially, meaning that no-one has time for your beloved ASDA checkout gem that always used to go down so well at work dos. This needs to stop. So, friends, I present you with six solid reasons why travelling will ruin your life.
You Have Too Many Stories
Oh so you climbed a volcano and swam with a shark and lived in a yurt, that’s all well and good but realistically will you even live long enough to tell everyone all of your amazing stories? You could die next week and then all those precious stories will have been wasted. Logically it makes a lot more sense to just avoid doing anything worth telling people about and that way you’re sure never to die unfulfilled. Also if you keep telling inspirational stories all the time about trekking through jungles and befriending Burmese monks, you’re going to annoy all your mates that just want to chat about normal stuff like celebrity gossip and who’s fucking who in your friendship group. It’s inconsiderate and rude so stop it.
You Have Too Many Photos
This goes hand in hand with the first point. You’re going to have to do something with all those photos of sunsets and beaches and coconut cocktails right? So you might put them on Facebook or Instagram but then what? You’re going to be so swamped with likes and comments that you’re going to spend all your time checking your notifications and replying to people who ask you for travel advice rather than being able to just leisurely scroll through your newsfeed bitching about how fat Sally looks in her graduation dress. What a terrible trade off.
You Come Home Broke
If you’ve just spent months on end travelling around the world blowing cash on accommodation, saris, trinkets, street food and hand carved wooden jewellery then chances are you’re not going to be balling when you finally get back home. You might have to move back in with your parents or stay with friends or whatever and that will be absolutely rubbish. You won’t even be able to buy expensive new clothes or get your highlights touched up once a month. You probably won’t even be able to afford to upgrade your iPhone so you’ll be stuck looking like a peasant with the 5s. Yeah you might have a nice tan and a mind full of wonder and culture and excitement but who even cares about that if you don’t have Kurt Geiger heels and a Mulberry bag?
You Have Loads Of New Friends
Normally when you go travelling you meet loads of new people on the road, which is already a nightmare because it means having the same boring conversations every day just with different faces each time. You exchange stories about the places you’ve explored, recommend each other things to do and see and learn ways to expand your adventure. Snore. However, this nightmare gets even worse when you get back home and Jonny from Nepal messages you to say he has moved to London and you should go for a drink and have a catch up. Like, you already have the girls who you’ve known for like 20 years, why would you want MORE friends? It just means having to spend more time and money going out and having fun. Ain’t no-one got time for that.
You Can Never Be Happy In One Place
Imagine going from pristine white sand beach to dramatic snow-capped mountain to temple-filled urban maze over the course of however many months or years you spend on the road. Every day you see something new and usually these things are mind-blowingly amazing. Now imagine coming back home and seeing the same road and the same house and the same train station every day. How are you going to cope with the monotony. You’re much better off never having experienced anything even remotely sublime, that way you won’t have to spend the rest of your life miserable. Furthermore, how are you going to be happy with your yearly trip to Cornwall after seeing waterfalls in Latin America and lagoons on tropical islands? Just stay in one place and that way you can live in blissful ignorance and never know what you’re missing out on.
You Become Too Aware
This is probably the biggest problem with travelling and the number one reason why you should avoid it at all costs. After spending time in other countries surrounded by other people, you will learn a lot about the world, making it very hard to then sink back into life back home. You might see what real poverty and stuff looks like, which then makes it really annoying when you come back because you feel bad if you complain about having no clothes/money/general stuff. Who wants to deal with that level of consciousness? Wasn’t it so much better when the only poverty you saw was in those Oxfam adverts that you could just switch off?